Part 1

It’s a stressful time for parents and by now they will all have had the dreaded “list” from their beloved offspring.
I remember those days; months would be spent thinking about it, honing the list down to essentials and then adding the extras just in case I were to get everything!
Well, the good, or is it bad, news is that nothing has changed. Kids will still be getting out the paper and pen and jotting down everything they see and fancy, form TV adverts, to their friends clothes and suggestions, to what their favourite sportsman and celebrity are doing or wearing. It’s no different to when we were kids the only difference is that the products we are consuming have evolved.

It’s considered more difficult for parents today to say no; they feel bombarded with messages and don’t want to feel they have let their kids down. Guilt is s terrible thing and do you know what; children know this! it’s part of the game for them; you see they’ll be pushing for everything they can get.

You can say no! you just have to be ready for the ensuing negotiation, because children are adept in negotiation skills, it comes naturally to them.
We also have these skills, its just that we’ve pushed them to the back of our minds and rarely bring them out into our adult World.

We asked an expert about this, and how we may negotiate with children in order that everyone comes out a winner and the Holidays are a little less fraught.
Alan Smith is a negotiation Guru from Scotwork and he has this advice:

Beginning at about age two, kids negotiate everything from what to eat to what to wear. As they get older, they negotiate when and where to do homework and what activities to get involved in. During the teen years, negotiations open up over time to get in after the party and who gets use of the car. 

But what do they do that makes them so much better than us, and what can we learn about how to handle negotiations in the big bad world by watching our children. 

1) The first is to get creative. Kids do not worry if the items they are trading do not appear to be connected. A colleague of mine tells the story of his son Tom, who every Sunday would be badgered to finish his sprouts at the lunch table. This would happen every week and usually ended in tears (of frustration by the parents). In early December Tom was asking his dad if he could get a Play Station for Christmas and was meeting a little resistance. Immediately Tom made a proposal, “Dad if you get me a Play Station for Christmas, I promise I will eat my sprouts every week”. What did a Play Station have to do with sprouts? Absolutely nothing, except that Tom had recognised that eating sprouts was important to his parents and had banked it. Crucially, because it appeared important, he knew he could get something worthwhile in return. Being creative is hard on the hoof, so make sure when you are preparing to negotiate you spend time brainstorming all of the variables you have to trade. Spend particular time trying to come up with concessions that have a differential value, worth a lot to the other side, but cost you little to give in.

2) Make sure you are consistent. If you change your mind like the wind when put under pressure, do not be surprised if the pressure mounts every time a disagreement looms. “Play nicely while I make this call and you can have a biscuit” “I want 2 biscuits”. “Okay 2 biscuits then” Next time you want a 5 minute break guess where the negotiation opens. At 2 biscuits! What is worse is that you have set the precedent that when you are pushed concessions will pop out. And work with the others in your team to ensure consistency is maintained. The number of mums who complain that whilst they put the child on the naughty step, the dads invite them off to watch telly. You need to present a consistent and strong message. If you do move from your position, and you will sometimes have to do so, get something back in return. Remember negotiation is a trading process, not a way of surrendering slowly.

So there is the first 2 tips.

Tips 3, 4 and 5 come in Part 2, Soon!